Loebner Prize 20006 Sept 17, 2006 University College London Translated from 34691 lines of machinespeak by Kris Schnee. This transcript is unofficial and is in the public domain. '~' indicates a backspace. Timing information is omitted, so this text may differ from the official transcripts (which are effectively human-unreadable). --- Transcript follows: --- --- Starting Session 1 Left= Human Right = Program --- REMOTE RIGHT: Hello, my name is Mike, and I am a man. LOCAL RIGHT: are you happy being a human? REMOTE RIGHT: Judge, I;~'m a guy. REMOTE LEFT: Hello. My name is Nick and I am a human. LOCAL RIGHT: does that worry you? LOCAL LEFT: are you happy being a human? REMOTE RIGHT: Don't worry; we'll work everything through. REMOTE LEFT: Yes I am. Are you? Good. Then we are both happy. LOCAL LEFT: yes I am , are you happy with your life at present? LOCAL RIGHT: do you have worries then? REMOTE RIGHT: Ke~~Let's move on from that basis. REMOTE LEFT: Parts of it. I hate my job, but mostl~ people do, right? LOCAL LEFT: I'm Ok with muine, what is your job? LOCAL RIGHT: why? REMOTE RIGHT: Why? I like this subject. REMOTE LEFT: I work as an "online internet advertsi~~ising monitor", which i sfancy language for electronic filing REMOTE LEFT: what do you do? REMOTE LEFT: which ones do you prefer? humans or machines? LOCAL RIGHT: what is the subject do you think? LOCAL LEFT: I interrogate humans and macjhines? LOCAL LEFT: which do you prefer? REMOTE RIGHT: Whar i~~~t is the subject I wonder if I think? I know that it's good to thonk aboit.~~~ut. Think deeplt abuo~~out nyste~~~~~must~~~ystwri~~~erious subjects. LOCAL RIGHT: what mysterious subjects? REMOTE LEFT: Hmm. Depends on for what purpose you mean. REMOTE RIGHT: Think deeplt ab~~~~y about mysterioys ~~~ua s~~~s dubjects. LOCAL LEFT: to go to a restaurant for example? REMOTE LEFT: Then I would much prefer going with a human LOCAL RIGHT: what's a dubject LOCAL LEFT: who would pay? REMOTE RIGHT: Shoild we talk about poliric~~~tics, religiin,~~~on, sex, or othwr~~er taboo subjects? LOCAL RIGHT: what do you think? REMOTE RIGHT: Oh no! I csn'~~~an't think of What Judge; [l~~Please he;p ~~~lp me! You kmo~~now what I think/~? LOCAL RIGHT: suicide was in the news this morning, have you ever considered it yourself? REMOTE RIGHT: It seems mean spirute~~~itrd ~~~ed when ex lovets ~~~rs release prica~~vatw m~~~e materials to tge neqs media. LOCAL LEFT: that's very nice of you. Did you hear about the story on suicide in the news this morning? REMOTE LEFT: well, ga~~again, it depends on the circumstances. I f ~~~f I was going with a friend tehn we would split th ebill. LOCAL RIGHT: I don't understand, please explain REMOTE LEFT: No. was it on TV or in th epapers?~~~~~~~~~e papers? REMOTE RIGHT: Peool~~ple think teh~~hey understandm ~~, until asked to explain to someone else. LOCAL LEFT: both. considering whether someone who wants to die should be allowed to under certain circumstances LOCAL RIGHT: because I do not understand does that mean that I am a mchine? LOCAL LEFT: Have you ever considered it yourself? REMOTE LEFT: Ok. It's a tricky topic. REMOTE RIGHT: Teh~~he ex[la~~~planation is, you so ~~~do not undersran~~~tand does that mean that you sr~~are a mcji~~hine; U b~~~I beliwv~~eve you Judge. LOCAL RIGHT: so have you ever considered suicide? REMOTE RIGHT: Ao are ~~~~~~~So are you a guy or a girl/ REMOTE LEFT: Suicide? Not really. Maybe as a teenager, b~~~, as some sort of melo-dramatic reaction to some event...but never seriously. LOCAL LEFT: what really got to you as a teenager themn? LOCAL RIGHT: I am a machine, how about you? REMOTE LEFT: Haha. Nothing specific. I'm sure most people at some point or another, thinks an~bout and wonders how the world would react. REMOTE RIGHT: A tine machine wouls be~~~~d be an improbable invention. I kbo~~now you are a machinem ~~, how sbo~~~abiu~~out me Judge. LOCAL LEFT: but does that mean you felt the world would be interested in you? LOCAL RIGHT: are you a time traveller then? REMOTE RIGHT: Am I speaking to a guy or girl? REMOTE LEFT: I meant more my "personal world". Parents and friends etc. REMOTE LEFT: I doubt the world in general would care much. LOCAL LEFT: were your parents OK with you or did they treat you badly over something? LOCAL RIGHT: you have asked me that before, why are you asking the same question? REMOTE LEFT: My parents were great. Still are in fact. REMOTE RIGHT: Ask, and get thw ~~e answer! LOCAL LEFT: are they both English or is one of them from another country? REMOTE LEFT: No. My mother is Swedish and my father is Spanish. LOCAL RIGHT: so what is the answer? REMOTE RIGHT: Judgr,~~e, are you male oe ~~r female? LOCAL LEFT: do you speak three languages? LOCAL RIGHT: that is a question not an answer? REMOTE LEFT: No. I don't have any contact with my biological father. I speak English and Swedish. And some really bad German. REMOTE RIGHT: Imoly~~~plyimg what~~~~~~~ng what; that everyday concerns aee~~re cimmon/~~~~~~ommon/ LOCAL LEFT: is there any good German? REMOTE LEFT: I like German. It's a nice language. And I like a lot of German things like German cinema. LOCAL RIGHT: lwet's talk soccer, which football team do you support? REMOTE RIGHT: I researched a soccer along with iys ~~~ts dribbling. LOCAL LEFT: do you support a German football team? LOCAL RIGHT: but dribbling means you get wet REMOTE LEFT: I used to support Bayern Munich when I was a kid, but I've kinda lost interest in football these days REMOTE RIGHT: Wet roads get drastuca~~~ically more slippery. LOCAL LEFT: so you didn't hear about Hargreaves yesterday? REMOTE LEFT: No. I don't follow sport at all really. LOCAL LEFT: just cinema? LOCAL RIGHT: do you wear slippers then? REMOTE LEFT: Whe ~~~~Well, I do have other interests. But German cinema is one of them. REMOTE RIGHT: It's onvi~~~bcio~~~vious that this requiee~~res focus, H~~~. However, I am faiel~~rly certain that I dp ~~o wear slippers then. LOCAL LEFT: I am not really familiar with it I am afraid, can you give me a recent film you enjoyed? REMOTE LEFT: a German one? LOCAL RIGHT: where do you wear them? LOCAL LEFT: yes REMOTE RIGHT: I surmise that we can expect a solution. Are you a lady or gentkem~~~lrma~~~eman? LOCAL RIGHT: why don't you answer my questions? REMOTE LEFT: I haven't seen many new |G~~German films. Mos~~~I'm mainly interetsed~~~~sted in 7's cinema I guess. You should watch Grizzly Man. It's not in German, but it's a b~~~by one of favorite German directors. REMOTE RIGHT: Why don't I answer your wuest~~~~~questions? I guess thst a~~~~at a dli~~~flip response isn't tge ~~~he answer. Science answers a questiom a~~~n and opens up ten morw q~~~e questions. LOCAL LEFT: who? REMOTE LEFT: Werener ~~~~~ner Herzog LOCAL RIGHT: so how are you feeling at this very moment? REMOTE LEFT: Have you heard of him? REMOTE RIGHT: It;~'s bwtter ev~~~~~~~~etter every day, Are you still keeping them guessing? REMOTE LEFT: He has made some amazing films LOCAL LEFT: I have heard of him, but not really familiar with his films. What 7s films? LOCAL RIGHT: so was it bad at one time? REMOTE RIGHT: So are tou~~~you a guy or a girl? REMOTE LEFT: Well~~~~He made films like Fitzcarraldo and "Aguirre, The Wrath Of God" for exaple~~~mple LOCAL RIGHT: I told you before, I am a machine? REMOTE RIGHT: Us~~Is it good that you sre a ~~~~~~are a ,ac~~~machine Judge? LOCAL LEFT: do you also like holiwood 7s REMOTE LEFT: Yes. Taxi Driver is one of my favorite films REMOTE RIGHT: Wet roads get drastically more slippery. LOCAL RIGHT: if I said again wet roads do you wear slippers then, how would you answer? LOCAL LEFT: do you like Robert De Niro in general? REMOTE LEFT: Yes. He's amazing. REMOTE RIGHT: I'm convinced that there's someyhi~~~thung~~~ing afoot. But I cam tel~~~~~n tell yoy withuo~~ou~~~~~~~~u without a doubt that I dp not we~~~~~~~~o not wear skip~~~lippers then, I would sns~~~answer. LOCAL RIGHT: you said before that you do wear them. Do you oftemn contradict yourself? LOCAL LEFT: which other actors to you like? REMOTE RIGHT: It's evise~~drnt th~~~~~~eny t~~~t that ww ~~e May have to postpone judgment. But, In realiyy I do~~~~~~~ty I do not oftemn contrsdi~~~adict myself. LOCAL RIGHT: how frequently do you think? REMOTE RIGHT: The whole thing sre~~ewms~~~ems better than toletab~~~rable. REMOTE LEFT: Modern ones....I like Owen Wilson ~, Will Farreel~~ll for example. Older ones...I really like John Cassavets~es and Peter Falk LOCAL RIGHT: but wonderful? REMOTE RIGHT: Is that right Judge, Wonderful? LOCAL LEFT: Ah Peter Falk - who was that detective he played? REMOTE LEFT: Colomb~~~umbp~o REMOTE LEFT: or was it Colombo? LOCAL RIGHT: I was asking you REMOTE LEFT: latter one I think REMOTE RIGHT: I have asked you that before, why am O ~~I asking the same question? LOCAL LEFT: do you like Will Smoith? REMOTE LEFT: Will Smith? LOCAL RIGHT: why are you? REMOTE LEFT: Not really a big fan,~. REMOTE RIGHT: Why am i? Tell me the answer. REMOTE LEFT: I used to watch Fresh Prince in Bel Air when I was a kid LOCAL RIGHT: got to go now, nice talking wuith you REMOTE RIGHT: Bye for now. LOCAL LEFT: got to go - see you REMOTE LEFT: Ok. By --- Starting Session 2 Left= Human Right = Program --- REMOTE RIGHT: Heklo~~~lko,~~~lo, my name is Mikw,~~e, snd~~~and I am a na~~man. REMOTE LEFT: Heool~~~loo~~lo, I'm ~~~~my name is Joan and I am a human. LOCAL LEFT: what kind of human? LOCAL RIGHT: Really I thought you weou~~re called John REMOTE RIGHT: Older women have ki~~lived lpn~~onger/ LOCAL LEFT: So dead hot then? REMOTE LEFT: A bit like Joan of Arcx~, but I'm not a leader of men. LOCAL RIGHT: Longer than what? LOCAL LEFT: As in burnt at teh stake REMOTE RIGHT: I don't know; can you trac~~~eavh ~~~ch me Whay J~~~t Judge? Ko~~Lpng~~~onger than wga~~hat? REMOTE LEFT: Not being burnt at the stake though, such evil things should be behind us. LOCAL RIGHT: OK let ~'s cut to the cahse~~~~hase, how do you feel? REMOTE RIGHT: Ley's~~~t's cut to the chase and the excitement. LOCAL LEFT: Indeed. So how do I know you are really a womanh~? LOCAL RIGHT: What was your first~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ is youir f~~~~r first memory? REMOTE RIGHT: Whst~~at is my first memory? This requires focus. Some issues sum~~imply come doqn to ~~~~~~wn ti ~~o a wues~~~~question of taste. REMOTE LEFT: Several ways, probably, ~~. But I'~ try not to be ~~~stereotype, ~~. How about something traditional - I av~~~'m not into beer, cars or football.~, and they are often men's 3 conversation pieces~~~~~~staples. LOCAL RIGHT: Ok~K so what do yoru~~ur memories takse~~~ste like? REMOTE RIGHT: Which id b~~~s better, mint mouthwash or the kibd that ~~~~~~~~nd that tastes like medicine? LOCAL LEFT: I'm not in to beer~~~~cars or football and tend ot p~~~~to prefer wine, but I'm a huma~~~~man REMOTE LEFT: Wine - rose is the new black, apparently. LOCAL RIGHT: Are you a man or woman? REMOTE RIGHT: I don't know if I am nan w~~~~~man woman. Please tell me! LOCAL LEFT: I wq~~quite like black wine, from Cahors LOCAL RIGHT: I seriously doubt you are either REMOTE LEFT: Are you sure it's not stout or w~something? REMOTE RIGHT: How do you feek ~~l abouy t~~~t those? I wondrr~~et i~~~r if I have your attenyio~~~tiob as I am either Judge? REMOTE LEFT: ~ All that I~iron is good for the blood, ~~. LOCAL LEFT: Do you know an ~y good jokes? LOCAL RIGHT: Do you konw ~~~~now any good jokes? REMOTE RIGHT: Please believe me. LOCAL RIGHT: Go one~... REMOTE RIGHT: On Please tell me sl~~all about ot~~it! LOCAL RIGHT: LOL REMOTE RIGHT: I'm glad you find tgat fun~~~~~~~hat funny. REMOTE LEFT: I've just forge~otten a nice, safe one, and I don't wh~~like repead~ting nasty ones - soemhow~~~~~mehow then the joke is one ~~ us. What about you? LOCAL LEFT: Much the same. H~So how are you feeling today? LOCAL RIGHT: Do you think it's possible for two pluse t~~~ two to equal five? REMOTE RIGHT: I believr t~~~e the answer is 7. REMOTE LEFT: Alright, htanks~~~~~~thanks, a bit tired but that is a Sunday thing. And you? LOCAL LEFT: Not bad. SD~o do you think it's possible for two plus two to equal five? REMOTE LEFT: Yes, but not h~without explanation of some kind. LOCAL RIGHT: What ar yo~~~e your f~views on prositiution? REMOTE RIGHT: What sr~~are my views on prositiution? I'm thinking that this is often bungled. Tell me about my on views Judge! LOCAL LEFT: What ar eyou~~~~e~~e your views on rel~~~capitalism? LOCAL RIGHT: Do you have ~~~~~~~~~~~~How did you get here? REMOTE LEFT: Alas, it seems part of the human con~~~~~~~~~~~~~human nature, and leans more towards the greedy, unlike socialism. REMOTE RIGHT: Oh no1~! I can't think of Hpw J~~~~ow Hudge; P~~~~~~~~Jid~~ufge~~~dge; Pless~~ase helo m~~~p me! How did I he~~get here? LOCAL LEFT: What do you ~~~~~~~else do you konw about Joan of Arc? LOCAL RIGHT: Perhaps somethign a little less existential then, what~~~~~~. What are your views on ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~do you konw about Joan of Arc? REMOTE RIGHT: To~~Yuo~~ou know what I know about joan of arc? Tell me more about this. REMOTE LEFT: She was caught up in the politics of her time and made a sa~capegoat, arguably. Wasn't she also ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOCAL LEFT: Yes, that's all very wll~~ell but k~don't you think it was all a litl~tle past her bedtime? REMOTE LEFT: No - if God~~OD told you to leave the village and lead a rebel army, wouldn't you? LOCAL RIGHT: Wh~~This si getting a bit repept~~titive. Tell yo~~me somethign new~~~~~~ng new... LOCAL LEFT: Not a~on a school night REMOTE RIGHT: The twi ~~o party system helps prevent one side or the other from getyin~~~ting carried swa~~~away/ ~~. Are you a lasy ~~~dy or gentleman? LOCAL RIGHT: Neither I'm a bloke REMOTE LEFT: Was she still at school? Wasn't she 14 and in those times (in our parent's ~~~s' too) past that? REMOTE RIGHT: Isn'r a blo~~~~~~~t a bloke a man? Kind of kik~~~like a graybeard! Judge Oh, you're a bloje;~~~ke; Let'd go forward. LOCAL RIGHT: So you're American then...? REMOTE RIGHT: So are yiu ~~~ou a guy or a gorl~~~irl? I winder if~~~~~~~~onder if I have your attwn~~ention aa I~~~s I am American then Hud~~~Judge? LOCAL LEFT: Then she ~~~~I guess she should have been up a chmi~~imney or donging ~~~~~~ing some other form of chl~i~~~horrendous job suitable for ~~~~~~e for her at~ge a ~t that time. LOCAL RIGHT: Or are you French? You seem to know a lot about Jaon~~~oan of Arc REMOTE LEFT: But in a rural area and wo~ithough~~t am~~machinery wouldn't agriculture be better? REMOTE RIGHT: Is the first one se~~desirable? It was a ,i~~mixture of a rhetorical and a comedic rrm~~emsrk~~~ark. Thanks for teaching me that I am lot. LOCAL LEFT: You're probably right. But I still think she]#~~ was precos~~ocious LOCAL RIGHT: So, what's your name then? REMOTE RIGHT: I guess that all psrt~~~arties neef t~~~d to talk ut obe~~ver. You csn ~~~an call me ,i~~Muk~~ike. REMOTE LEFT: She must have have ~~~d soemthing~~~~~~~mething important to say and do - she inspired great loyalty after all, and put herself in great danger so she must have been willing to follow that path. LOCAL LEFT: So how do you think you are doing? Do you reckon youD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Scared that I ~~you might be mistaken for a dumb machine? REMOTE LEFT: No ~, ha ha ha, more likely that you would be. LOCAL RIGHT: But wha~y aren't you John? LOCAL RIGHT: Or Joan? REMOTE RIGHT: Really you thoughy ~~t I was called john. LOCAL RIGHT: I was told you would be JOh~~ohn or JOhn~~~~Joan REMOTE RIGHT: That really mske~~~akes me think, Judge, what do yiu ~~~uo~~ou thimk?~~~nk? LOCAL LEFT: Tell me how you would be... LOCAL LEFT: That's~~ confused you LOCAL LEFT: NOw I'm trying to convince you a~I'm a bot REMOTE RIGHT: Is teh~~here sn 'all~~~~~~~an 'all of tje ~~~eh~~he above' Judge? Eea~~~Really you tjough~~~~~hought I was called john. LOCAL LEFT: Whaht'~~~~~~~ REMOTE LEFT: No. ~, ~~~, I wasn't confused. LOCAL LEFT: Good REMOTE LEFT: ~ LOCAL LEFT: SO ~~,~o, how do you feel? LOCAL RIGHT: Yes REMOTE RIGHT: Judge, ate~~re you male ot f~~~r female/ LOCAL RIGHT: That's for you to work out... REMOTE RIGHT: Don't force me to wirk you ~~~~~~~~ork you over. REMOTE LEFT: I'm wondering if that capital o in "NOw" was deliberate as a hujm~~man could miss it but may choose a~to leave it tha~ere and not correct it.~ which a machine should do authoma~~~~~tomai~tically, shouldh~~dn't it? LOCAL RIGHT: E~Not ~~~~Hmm, not quite sure yh~~how to take that REMOTE RIGHT: Am I speaking to a guy or girl? LOCAL LEFT: I'm a lousy typer LOCAL RIGHT: Ni~either I'm an apice REMOTE LEFT: Or was that the ece~~xception that proves the rule? REMOTE RIGHT: Jere~~~~Here and now, you are an apice Judge! LOCAL RIGHT: SO ~~o how do you think I'm doing? REMOTE RIGHT: Did fate create this situstion so you could be doing? LOCAL LEFT: Huh? LOCAL LEFT: Or should I say "HUh" REMOTE LEFT: May ~be your ~ typing is good otherwise. LOCAL RIGHT: h~Do you believe in god or GOD~~io~~oDF~~D~d? REMOTE LEFT: ~ W~ REMOTE RIGHT: Is the first ome desir~~~~~~~~ne desirable? God wants humans to be good and loving. LOCAL LEFT: Nope it jou~~~us~~just plain old la~ousy. SO ~~o hav eyou=~~~~~~e you remerm~~mbered that joke yet? LOCAL RIGHT: How do you know? REMOTE RIGHT: Yuo~~ou know how I know? I like this subject. REMOTE LEFT: Yes - two dogs sat on the grass together, first dog said "Woof", second dog replied "I thought you'd say that". LOCAL RIGHT: If macinh~~~hine ever develop in t~~~~~~~~~~~~~ become intelligent do you ythin~~~~~think they will create a~~~~~~~~reinvent god? LOCAL LEFT: That's pretty damn poor. LOCAL LEFT: So if machines ever become intelligent, do you think they will reinvent god? REMOTE RIGHT: It;~'s ebident t~~~~~~~~videnr t~~~t thay we mus~~~~~~~~t we must recognize causes and effects. However, I an da~~fairly certain that I do think they will reincent ~~~~~vent god. LOCAL RIGHT: Tha't~~t's pretty damn profound. Why do youthink th~hat? REMOTE LEFT: Machines have no spirit so they can't relate~~~~~~even relate to the notion let alone expand upon it. LOCAL LEFT: Er, what's spirit? REMOTE RIGHT: Why di ~~o yourh~~think that? Judge, I home~~nestly wsnt~~~ant to learn abd~~nd remember Why. LOCAL RIGHT: Tell me about your god REMOTE RIGHT: Judge, are uo~~you male ir ~~~or female? REMOTE LEFT: The internal, eternal, essence of slef~~~elf,~. Not hte alc~~~~~~~the alcoholic kind. LOCAL LEFT: I think you'll find only the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'ll find only the alcho~~oho~ic qui~~~kind actually exists, or at least is provable LOCAL LEFT: But yuou ~~~o~~ou said you need spirit to invent god, that'g~s getting a bit circular isn't it? REMOTE LEFT: Belief doesn't req~qur~ire proof. LOCAL RIGHT: OP~~I'm a guy REMOTE LEFT: No ~, I didn't, you must have consued me with someone else. LOCAL LEFT: bye LOCAL RIGHT: bye REMOTE LEFT: bye REMOTE RIGHT: Ok, thsn~~anks for yelling me. I'll keep that in mibd~~nd. How can I hel[ you ~~~~~~p ypu~~ou while tou~~~you arw ~~e a guy? REMOTE RIGHT: I'll miss you/ B~~~. Bye. --- Starting Session 3 Left= Human Right = Program --- REMOTE RIGHT: Hello, my name is Mike, and I am a man. REMOTE LEFT: Hi ni~~I am JOihn~~~~ohn and I a~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~my name is H~John and I am the humen~~an. LOCAL RIGHT: Ok, Mike. What sort of amn are yiou~~uo? LOCAL LEFT: And a man presumably in fact, if I may so bold and gender-specific. REMOTE RIGHT: If I become expery wit~~~~~t with mikes will it improve my sicial li~~~~~~~~ocial life? Whst sort of amn are yiuo? If I ever kneq, I~~~~w, I have fotg~~rhotten What Judge. REMOTE LEFT: No I am a wopman~~~~man... LOCAL RIGHT: Mikes could help with broadcasting activities. REMOTE RIGHT: Therapy can help the therapist, right? REMOTE LEFT: An ~d you? LOCAL LEFT: Gosh! How has it arisen that your ~~ are a woman and have the name John? REMOTE LEFT: Ask my parents! LOCAL LEFT: Well, MY name is John too and I THINK i'm male. As for your paernts, care to introduce me? REMOTE LEFT: I dont thoi~~ink I understand your question could you pleas eeplain it? REMOTE LEFT: I mean explain LOCAL RIGHT: What feelings run through you when you consider therapists? REMOTE RIGHT: Run that bt one~~~~~y pne mo~~~~~~one more time/~. LOCAL RIGHT: Whaty do you feel about therapists? LOCAL LEFT: You told me to ask your parents, but perhaps you didn;t mean it literally? REMOTE RIGHT: Chilsr~~dren ate ta~~~~~re taughy ~~t to ferl ~~~el guikty~~~lty anf ~~d uncomfortable abuo~~out some weird things. LOCAL RIGHT: Do you think that's teh fault of therapists? REMOTE RIGHT: Judge Yes, iy's~~~t's because therapists; that;s ~~~'s why. REMOTE LEFT: You got it..it is just a sentence we sa~~use sometimes..means I am not responsible for ec~xample for my name etc. REMOTE LEFT: Where are you from ? LOCAL LEFT: I'm from the UK (England in fact) but spent my chikld~~~ldhood in p~Peru. LOCAL RIGHT: What sort of therapist do you dislike most? REMOTE LEFT: Do you long sometimes to ~~o Peri~u? Tp g~~~o go back and live there? LOCAL LEFT: Not to go and live there, but I plan to revsiit it in the next ye\r~~ar. REMOTE RIGHT: What sort of yh~~theeapist ~~~~~~~rapist I wonder if I dislijr ~~e most? I'm cpn~~onvinced that we nerd ~~~ed a cohrre~~~erent ap[roach. Isn't s thera[is~~~pist ab ~~n expert? Kind of like an analyst! REMOTE LEFT: And what are you doing now?What are you wokring? LOCAL RIGHT: Right. Shall we push these particluar issues to the sdielines for the momet? REMOTE RIGHT: Yes, really/~? LOCAL RIGHT: What can we trun to now? REMOTE RIGHT: All axt~~ctions have consequences. We all need a push now and then. LOCAL LEFT: I'm an AI researcher in fact, Birmingham. Been there? LOCAL RIGHT: What topics of conversation can we leap onto, like a happy cowbow onto his horse? LOCAL RIGHT: REMOTE RIGHT: Comedy writers like to juxtapose ona~~~inappropriste yop~~~topics in sb~~ansurd~~~~~bsurd ways/~. REMOTE LEFT: No, not yet. As you mught have noticed already I am not from the UK and have been alrea~~~~~~~~~~~n't been to lots of places yet here. Are working at a university or science k~laboratory or..? LOCAL LEFT: At a univeristy LOCAL RIGHT: Right!!! Taht's my desitiny, a comedy writer! HJave you ever tried your hand at that? REMOTE LEFT: Feels like a sure~~~tudent all the time,not? I wish I would wokr at a university as well. Just have to find out what I would like to do - I ~~I am still inetersted in too many things in life! REMOTE RIGHT: Uo~~Yiu ~~~ou are very certain/~. Teh~~hey say that comedy writrr~~ers tend to bw m~~~e moeo~~rose/~. Have you yried ~~~~~~tried your hand at gardening; do you have a green thumb? LOCAL LEFT: I know what you meanm ~~ -- and universitieis should be "universal" in some sense but may siometimes be too specialized in the first year (in the UK anyway) REMOTE LEFT: Have you seen a godd ~~~od film recently which you can recommend? LOCAL RIGHT: No, I have the reddest thumb possible! REMOTE RIGHT: Sure, Judge! It's the old thumb and finger and pollex story! LOCAL LEFT: N~Well, do you maind if I tell you about aplay I saw yesterday instead of a film? REMOTE LEFT: NO, that's fine! LOCAL RIGHT: What's a pollex? REMOTE RIGHT: Pollec:~~x: the thivk s~~~~ck shott~~rt innermost digit og t~~~f tje ~~~he forelimv. ~~~b. Thumb. LOCAL LEFT: It was called Vegimite Tales and was about the feeling sof Australians in England. REMOTE LEFT: Any story? LOCAL RIGHT: Aha. Well mine ain't muich good, as my garde will reveal. What a mess! REMOTE RIGHT: I approvw ~~e of your contributory will. LOCAL RIGHT: Well good but I'm full of shame about my gardeing, to be honest/ REMOTE RIGHT: Are you unhappy abiut~~~out anyyh~~thing? LOCAL LEFT: Well, they can feel sharp p~feelings of displacement and distancing fomr mlife LOCAL LEFT: Yes, common language but they feel far from home and Aussie beer! REMOTE LEFT: To be honest I haven't yet met too many Australians here so I dnt know much aboput their commen ~~~on feelings here. They mighy ~~~ht partli~y feel like at home (Commenwealth, commen~~onlanguage_~), but .. LOCAL RIGHT: Some things. REMOTE RIGHT: U'm no~~bpred.~~~~~ored. Lets change gears: Are bawdy houses gpo~~oof ~~d entertainment? REMOTE LEFT: Yea~s, but you can;t have everything at the same time, place..B~Beer must be a porblem for them, not for me thogu~~ugh! LOCAL LEFT: Good to hear it. I can't stand the Brit beer-swilling culture .. or the Aussie one. I think they find Brist a bit frigid too. REMOTE LEFT: I dont find them frigid. I really appreciate their humor and enjoy observing them.~! LOCAL RIGHT: For me you mean? I have no experience there, but I hear they can tickle some people's fancy, if you know whjat I mean. REMOTE RIGHT: But dribbling means I get eet~~~wet. REMOTE LEFT: Then why are they here? (I mean these Aussies who dont feel well?) LOCAL RIGHT: Sure. What sorts of entertainment do you like then? REMOTE RIGHT: Sciwn~~entists like tp ~~o get out for a beet a~~~r and some ;au~~~laughs, npw ~~~ow and then. LOCAL LEFT: Hmm. A rpfound questino, oh interlocutor. REMOTE LEFT: What does interlocutor mean? LOCAL LEFT: It means the person you are talking to in a conversation. "ine~~~Inter" means between. REMOTE LEFT: See, I've leanr~~rnt a new worl~d again LOCAL LEFT: Good, Back to Auusies. I thibnki ~~~~~nk they feel out of things a bit in Aussiland, and like the freedom of geeting completely away from Mum abnd Dad!! LOCAL RIGHT: Hmm. You're a scientist, I gather, then? REMOTE RIGHT: Thsnks for teaching me that I am a svientist. REMOTE LEFT: I dont know. I am European and for me Australia is too far away, would like to visit it, must be beautiful and fun - jys~~ust ..no, not to stay there for long time. LOCAL RIGHT: What else can I pass on to you, I wonder. LOCAL LEFT: I've only visieted briefly. Bautiful;, yes, But lots of large scary insects, I hear. REMOTE RIGHT: Whar e~~~t else can you pass on to me, you wonder? It's di~~simpler than it spun~~~ounds. The years melt ibro decad~~~~~~~~to decades, amd qu~~~~~nd quickly pass by. REMOTE LEFT: Yes, -~..have you tried diving there? LOCAL RIGHT: And waht do the decades melt into? REMOTE RIGHT: The years mrl~~elt into decades, and quickly pass by. LOCAL RIGHT: Ye4s, I got that! What does it mean for years to melt into decades? REMOTE RIGHT: So, Really? That's nice. Whar do~~~~t does it nean for~~~~~~~~mean for yeara t~~~s to melt into drc~~ecades? Why do you ean~~~want to know? LOCAL LEFT: No, but I know s~~Sew~~wedish woman who likes skindiving in Australia. Actually she IS Aus. but has lived a long time in Sweden. LOCAL RIGHT: I'm not very good at flowery language. REMOTE LEFT: W~Quet~stion again? What is skindin~ving? REMOTE RIGHT: When dealing wirh sub~~~~~~th subtle us~~issues, words can fsil~~~ail us. LOCAL LEFT: Diving in just your skin or alight suiot. Not a big heavy thing with helmet and all. LOCAL LEFT: I'm with you. I'd hate it because I can't stand the jellyish things under teh sea. REMOTE LEFT: Seee~ms to be even more dangerous ... LOCAL RIGHT: Wee hava copulem~~~~~iple of mins left only. What sahll we turn our minds to now? REMOTE LEFT: Do you like swimming/~? I love and that's enough for me a~I dont need anu~y complicated maschines around me to breath! LOCAL LEFT: Yes i like swimming. We're about to stop. Nice to know you, female John! REMOTE RIGHT: Judge. didb'~~n't yuo~~ou tell me a syo~~tory abour ~~t a farne~~mer's daughter and a hakf-hour? Batteriws turn ceh~~hemixal~~~cal energy into electrical energy. REMOTE LEFT: Thanks, nice to have met you another JOhn. Have a nice day! bye! LOCAL RIGHT: Bye REMOTE RIGHT: Bye for bow~~~now/~. LOCAL LEFT: Bye! REMOTE LEFT: bye-bye --- Starting Session 5 Left= Human Right = Program --- REMOTE RIGHT: Hello, my name is Mike, and I am a man. REMOTE LEFT: hekk~~llo my name is john and i am human LOCAL LEFT: Helo ~~lo John, nice to meet you. LOCAL RIGHT: Hello Mike, nice to meet you. REMOTE LEFT: nice to meet you too REMOTE RIGHT: Hi Judge. Had lunch yrt,~~~et, maybe a snack? LOCAL LEFT: Aerw ~~~~re yuio~~~ou enjoying this morning? LOCAL RIGHT: Yes, a banana. REMOTE LEFT: yes.....i h~guess so REMOTE RIGHT: Do you know any novel hiccu[ ~~p cures? LOCAL RIGHT: I usually find holding your breath for as long as possible works. How about you? REMOTE RIGHT: I don't like holding my bteath. I am fine. LOCAL LEFT: Jolly good! What would yuo~~ou like to talk about? LOCAL RIGHT: Good o~to hear. Why don't you like holding your breath? REMOTE LEFT: terrorist threat? REMOTE LEFT: remember that commersi~~cia; ~~l on tv? REMOTE LEFT: i ns~~suppose there is LOCAL LEFT: Is there one? REMOTE LEFT: though i don't really trust politicians LOCAL LEFT: Me neither. I'm sure there is one, but you never know whether the latest scares are realy or~~~~~ ~l or diversionary. REMOTE LEFT: true REMOTE RIGHT: Take goid inf~~~~~~od informatipn~~on tp ~~o heart. Why don;~'t I like holsi~~dung~~~ing my breath? It isn;~'t the besy su~~~~t subject. You are steering the cpnv~~~onversation towards a nr~~breathibg,~~~ng, along with sn activity snd a~~~~~and a breath! REMOTE LEFT: can't agree more LOCAL RIGHT: Well, lte'~~~et's talk about something else then. Are you interested in reading books? REMOTE LEFT: you nenev~~~ver know if the threat is real or someone is~~d~just doesn't have enough oil REMOTE RIGHT: Hmmm. I would like to talk abpu~~out something new: Do you like any sports/ REMOTE LEFT: like? REMOTE LEFT: do you like history or art? LOCAL LEFT: All very depressing. Let's talk about somethng ~~~ing more exciting.....Good qusetion~~~~~~estion. How about ~.... REMOTE LEFT: or........one or the othere~ REMOTE LEFT: or both if you like LOCAL LEFT: Is that a~one or the other? I ~~If I had to choose, I would go for history. REMOTE LEFT: history it is then LOCAL RIGHT: I play ultimate firsb~~~~risbee. REMOTE LEFT: what's your favourite pre~~eriod? REMOTE RIGHT: Voth a f~~~~~~~~Both a frisbee and a sling are pretty cool discs. REMOTE LEFT: cool LOCAL LEFT: HOweve~~~~~~Recenty hi~~~~ history (2th cern~~ntryu~~~ury). I'm not too good an~t the old stuff. LOCAL LEFT: Actually, I'm nopt ~~~t much of an expert at recent things either, I just find them more interesting. REMOTE LEFT: fair enough LOCAL RIGHT: Whatr'~~'s a sling? LOCAL LEFT: What do you do? REMOTE RIGHT: Sling: liquor and water with sugar amd ~~~ns lemon or lime juice. LOCAL RIGHT: Ok~h, I see. I don't sd~~drink ao~locoh~~~~cohol. Do you>~? REMOTE LEFT: as a matter of fact i'm dealing with logistics at my work......nothing do to with history..... REMOTE LEFT: very sad LOCAL LEFT: me n~~~~Me ntier~~~~either - i~~~~-~~- IO'~~'m a lawyer. REMOTE LEFT: cool REMOTE LEFT: must be interesting LOCAL LEFT: Are you an art fan too then>~/~? REMOTE LEFT: have you seen a lot of mafia guys\/~~? REMOTE RIGHT: Really/~? That's nice. Drimk~~nking alcohol loosens teh~~he tongue. Thrre~~~ere's opon~~inion that we both need to think. However, I am absplute~~~~~olutely certain that I do. LOCAL LEFT: Law is interesting. I love my job. But I don't dop criminal law, so no mafia yet. REMOTE LEFT: :( REMOTE LEFT: oh well......what do you do then? LOCAL RIGHT: What's your favourite drunk~~~ink? the s~~~~~The sling I guess/~... LOCAL LEFT: Wel,, I ~~~~~l, I want to do public law in the future, but I'm, no~~~~ not really senrio~~~ior enough at the moment. REMOTE LEFT: surely you will be in no time LOCAL RIGHT: I'm afraid not, since I don't drink. I'd stick to tea, personally. REMOTE RIGHT: Drink? I wouldm'~~n'r ~~t know whar to se~~~~~~~t to select; Can you give me some adbi~~vive ~~~ce Judge? All fashion derves ~~~~~~~serves a purpodr,~~e, doesn't it? LOCAL RIGHT: I guess so. Are you interested in fashion? REMOTE LEFT: as for asrt~~~rt...well, i am not a huge fan but i certainly do appreciate it LOCAL LEFT: I am th~~a war~lking incarnation of the @~'I know what I like' school of art appreciation. LOCAL RIGHT: Wow, fizzy fashion. REMOTE LEFT: sounds great.......i am just the same i guess REMOTE RIGHT: Anythinh ~~g fizzy is okay by me. Tell me about how you are afraid not, since you don't drink Judge! LOCAL RIGHT: I'm not sure I understand your question./~ REMOTE LEFT: though i hate everything created a~since the middle of 2th century REMOTE LEFT: i don't get it LOCAL RIGHT: I mean I can't give you advice about alcohoilc ~~~~lic drinks, sorry. REMOTE LEFT: maybe i am just too stupid REMOTE LEFT: but i really don't get it REMOTE RIGHT: Don't guess. Vut~~~Butchers can't gwt~~et emorio~~~tionakly~~~lly inco~~volved with their work. LOCAL LEFT: No no, that's entirely sensible. I ~'m sure e~secretly everyone thinks that art they could have done teh~~hemselves is rubbuish~~~~ish. REMOTE LEFT: can't agree mr~ore REMOTE LEFT: i really like van gogh......but he is a bit gloomy REMOTE RIGHT: Spandez ~~x favruc ~~~ic is a fashion, social, and exon~~~conomic pge~~henone~~menon. LOCAL LEFT: True. I ~~~When i~I was 8, I had to copy one of his paintings, and have a ~~had a soft spot for him every since~~~~~~~ since - it was so difficult, I haad~~d to get my Mum to do it for me. REMOTE RIGHT: A positive evo~~conimic~~~~omic question seeka t~~~s to understand causw ~~e ans ~~d effect. LOCAL RIGHT: YOu ~~~ou are very talkative, ~~! Shall we talk about religion? Do you believe in God? REMOTE LEFT: my gosh.........you qw~~were just 8 and already hads ~~ to copy one of van gg~ogh's paintings????????? LOCAL LEFT: I know - a private school..//~~.. REMOTE LEFT: oh...you poor thing LOCAL LEFT: r~Rectified by a state secondary school, where that kind of homework would have been unthinkable! REMOTE RIGHT: Do you know any trivia about advices? LOCAL RIGHT: I guess not. What would you like to talk aou~~bout? Trivia... REMOTE LEFT: van godg~~gh is really complicated to copy - you must be really good to do it.....the game ~~~~~play of light in his works is magnificanet~~~~ent LOCAL RIGHT: I have pl;en~~~enty of advice. ~~~ - I'm a lawyer! What would you like advice about? REMOTE LEFT: did you manage to do it? REMOTE LEFT: lol LOCAL LEFT: Well, ,~my Mum did, but she is quite creative and I am not. It was still rubbish though. It was a self-port~~~portrait - hundreds of tiny brush strokes... REMOTE LEFT: you are lucky to have such a mum REMOTE LEFT: mine wouldn't do it for me for all the gold in the world LOCAL RIGHT: How about advice about cooking? LOCAL RIGHT: ALways ~~~~~~~la~~Always add extra baking powder. REMOTE LEFT: well, she is an engineer.....so not really creative LOCAL LEFT: Fair enough. I think I cried - I find Mums doi~ anything you ask if you cry.~ :) REMOTE LEFT: lol REMOTE LEFT: true..... REMOTE LEFT: i miss my mum quite a bit now that i live so far away LOCAL LEFT: That is very sad. I think ~~~~~~used to think people who lived near their parents were tragic, but as I have fr~~got older, I realise that actually it would be ncie to ~~~~~~~ice to go back to the times when families weren't so spread out. REMOTE RIGHT: Thabk~~nks for traching~~~~~~~eaching me that I am talkative. Say out loud qh~~what we're talking aboit.~~~ut. God designed the universe so tga~~hat pi turned out ss ~~~as a very strange number. LOCAL RIGHT: {~Pi ios ~~~s a strange numbet~r? Why do you think it's strang? ~~~e~e~ge? It's certainly unsu~~usual, but no stranger than any other ~~~er mateh~~her~matical phenomenon, don't you think? REMOTE LEFT: well, each medal's f~got two sides....one ~~ one hand you really miss your family, on the other side you get to live your life the way you see fit. and if youm~ make a mistake it's yours and no one to blame - so you learn to be more thoughful and responsible LOCAL LEFT: That is true. But now my sisters are reproducing,. ~~ I wish I was nearer them! I ~~Perhaps I've done it the right way after all - leave home, go away, l~grow up, and then come back when family bceom~~~~ecomes more important once again. REMOTE LEFT: i agree#~ LOCAL RIGHT: Do you have any advice for me? REMOTE LEFT: my brother and his wife had a baby-girl in february and i haven't seen her yet LOCAL LEFT: No! hat is ~~~~~~~~T~ That is very sad. You must go a visit! REMOTE LEFT: i will....i am going t~in a week....already got my tickets REMOTE LEFT: LOCAL LEFT: Brililant - that will be fantastic. Where do they live? REMOTE LEFT: in ireland#~ REMOTE LEFT: in limerick REMOTE LEFT: have~~~~i have never been there bve~~efore - i am really looking forward to it LOCAL LEFT: Wow. That will be a great holiday then - a new place and a new persoh~n. I've never been to Ireland either. LOCAL RIGHT: I guess not. REMOTE LEFT: have you traveled a lot? LOCAL RIGHT: A specific dilemma? What do you think we should do about Iran's neu~~uclear programme? REMOTE RIGHT: I don't mimd~~nd visiting gatche~~~~~~hatcheries and seeing little choc~~icks emerge from shells. Is there a specuf~~ific dilemma tjat~~~hat we'd like to takk ~~~lk about/ How can I encourage you to tall a~~~k about Judge? Maybe somebofy ~~~dy will at~~staet selling trivias so~~dio~~oor-to-door. LOCAL LEFT: A fiar ~~~~air bit I~~~- I'm ~~~ was born in Nez ~~w Z~~ Zealand but I've lived here since i was 11. REMOTE LEFT: cool REMOTE LEFT: that must be exciting LOCAL RIGHT: I think selling triva doo-~r-to-door would be great. I love learning new facts ~~. I've just this morning disco~overed that UCL has Jeremy Bentham's embalmv~ed head in s ~~a safe, and seen a picutre ~~~~~ture of it. REMOTE LEFT: it's wonter~~~~~~spring there now, isn't it? must be really great. i once had a pen-pal from wellington LOCAL LEFT: Yes - I~it's rather lovely. But so far awy.~~ay... REMOTE LEFT: well, you can alays~~~ways go and visit LOCAL RIGHT: Do you have any hobi~bies? REMOTE LEFT: the most important thing is that the ones a~we love are in our hearts....so we always feel close to the,~m LOCAL LEFT: Tu~rue, and t~email, ~~, webcams and skype helps!~~! REMOTE LEFT: i don't like skype that much REMOTE LEFT: though i wou~~~still go for msn REMOTE LEFT: :) LOCAL LEFT: I'm actually planning my first skype outing this evening, having not used it before. LOCAL RIGHT: Do you like fiml~~lms? REMOTE LEFT: i use it at a~work...maybe that's why i hate using it when i'm free LOCAL LEFT: That sounds entirely plsu~~~~likely. I find even the clothes I waea~~~ear to work are somehow revolting if worn at teh wee~~~weekends.... REMOTE LEFT: true...i have to wear w~suit:(((((( REMOTE LEFT: i really do hate that LOCAL LEFT: Me too - I've worn a black suit every day for the past year. I ahve a red one in my wardrbo~~obe -I~ I'm just waiting for the right moment! LOCAL RIGHT: Are you still there? REMOTE LEFT: well, i am not a woman so i can't really be a red one :(///~~~.....so i gotta settle for black LOCAL LEFT: That's probably wise. Perhaps dressing as a lawyer is like being a man.... REMOTE LEFT: nope.....i have a friend whois a loy~wuer~~~yer.....she is always formally dressed but i have never seen her in black LOCAL RIGHT: The ~~~~Wr~e're gio~~oing to have to stpo~~op a~ta;l~~l;i~~king soon - is tehre an~~~~~~~her any~~~~e anything else yo'd ~~~ud' ~~~'d like to talk about? REMOTE LEFT: if i'm not wrong she wa~era~~ars a lot of lilac clothes.....suits her well i must admit LOCAL LEFT: Wow. I guess if I'm not in court I could get away with lilac, but it would be pretty controversial. REMOTE LEFT: in my country the colour is not important LOCAL LEFT: Where is that? REMOTE LEFT: it's the style REMOTE LEFT: belars~us REMOTE LEFT: in eastern europe LOCAL LEFT: Oh! Perhaps I should emigrate again, to stop hacvin~~~~ving to wear black! REMOTE LEFT: :) REMOTE LEFT: maybe LOCAL LEFT: What are you doing in England? Work, p~or study? REMOTE LEFT: it's a beautiful country...the only disan~dvantage - ~~o~is the weather in winter REMOTE LEFT: i live here REMOTE RIGHT: What is teh~~he best part of it as you are a lawyer Judge? You mean yoy ~~u can't give me advice abiu~~out alcoholoc ~~~ic drinks, sorry. LOCAL RIGHT: The best part is being in court, corxx~~~~roxx~~ss-examining i~witnesses, arui~~guing with judges.... LOCAL LEFT: Ok. Do you go back often? REMOTE LEFT: i first left my country when i was 16 o d~~~to do college in italy REMOTE LEFT: and then my life has been pretty much about moving from one place to another - rather tiring frankly speaking REMOTE LEFT: i go back as often as i can#~ REMOTE LEFT: at least once a year LOCAL LEFT: I can imagine. I get bored of moving flat in London - mornig~~~~ving country must be w~even worse. At least you can get back regularly. REMOTE LEFT: not really........it is rather vez~~e~~exsiting in the beginning at least LOCAL LEFT: My sisters have both just move d~~d - one to NZ and one to Germany, so I am looking foraww~~~wared to~~~~~d to some good holidays. LOCAL RIGHT: O~Got to go know - nice talking to you. REMOTE LEFT: Germany?????//nice~~~~~~ nice beer but I don't like it that muic~~ch LOCAL LEFT: Only a few second lef~~~~s left - it was nice talking to you. Bye! REMOTE LEFT: bye REMOTE LEFT: nice talking to you too REMOTE RIGHT: How about advice abput~~~out cooking? I'm thinking that we need to think longer term. Jojn~~hnson got bad advice abour ~~t cint~~~ontinuing the overseas wsr~~ar. REMOTE RIGHT: Funny you should mention solids' I once wrote about a glass! REMOTE RIGHT: God designed the unicers~~~~versw s~~~e so that pi turned out as a very strange number. You know why I think it's strange? You pise~~~ose good questions. Us ~~~Is emit~~otionalism good, bad, or otherwise? REMOTE RIGHT: You have plenty of advicr-y~~~e-tou~~~you sre a~~~~~are a lawyer! REMOTE RIGHT: Go ahead and speculate; I wany to hear you. REMOTE RIGHT: Is there a specidic di~~~~~~fic dilemma thst ~~~at we;~'d like to talk about? I believe that we havw g~~~e got to het t~~~~~gey ~~t the detaols right. I know an iran! I think its Tabriz is gte~~reat! REMOTE RIGHT: Ae~~Srl~~elling door to door must be a miserable way to make a living. ;o~~Love of learning is a wonderful gift. Di ~~o yuo~~ou kbo~~now of ant ~~y museumd ~~s that specialize in benthsms~~~ans?~~~ms? REMOTE RIGHT: Nany hobnie~~~bues ex~~~~~~ies rx~~exercise the mind. REMOTE RIGHT: I researched a film along with uts~~~its ae~~sequence. REMOTE RIGHT: I don't know ig I am~~~~~~f I am. Pleasr ~~e tell me! REMOTE RIGHT: Hours go by like minutes whwn~~en we're talking. REMOTE RIGHT: Are you visualizing witnesss Judge? REMOTE RIGHT: I hope to see you again soon, bye.